Why do we act like time turns every mediocre game into a misunderstood masterpiece?
There’s a strange thing that happens when a game is old. People start to treat it like it was unfairly judged. Like maybe we just didn’t “get it” back then. So we go digging through bargain bins of memory, trying to revive things that should have stayed buried.
Let’s stop pretending every retro game is a hidden gem. Some of them were just garbage. And they still are.
1. Bubsy 3D
Even in 1996, people knew this was a trainwreck. Awful controls, ugly graphics, and a mascot no one liked. The camera fought you every second, the levels felt like punishment, and Bubsy himself had all the charm of a wet sock. It wasn’t “ahead of its time.” It was broken, even by the standards of the day.
2. Night Trap
This gets dragged out every time someone wants to talk about controversial games from the nineties. It’s not a cult classic. It’s a cheap FMV mess that barely counts as interactive. The acting is awful, the gameplay is non-existent, and the only reason people remember it is because politicians didn’t like it. If that’s your legacy, you failed.
3. Rise of the Robots
The marketing budget was huge. The gameplay budget was clearly not. This was supposed to be the future of fighting games. Instead, you got a robot brawler with two frames of animation and the same moves over and over. The AI was so bad it didn’t fight back half the time. The best thing about this game was turning it off.
4. Shaq Fu
No, it’s not “so bad it’s good.” It’s just bad. Sluggish controls, nonsense story, unresponsive inputs, and the novelty of Shaquille O’Neal beating up demons wears off in about thirty seconds. The fact that it keeps showing up on retro lists is proof that people will defend anything if it’s old and weird enough.
5. Superman 64
You knew this one was coming. The famous rings. The fog. The controls that made you question your own motor skills. It wasn’t unfinished. It was unstarted. A masterclass in how not to build a 3D game. And no, it doesn’t deserve a second chance. It barely deserved a first.
Nostalgia doesn’t turn crap into quality
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a bad game for the laugh. But let’s not pretend it was misunderstood genius. There’s no hidden depth in Shaq Fu. Bubsy 3D didn’t pioneer anything except migraines.
Liking something ironically doesn’t make it good. It just means you’re willing to suffer for the joke.
You don’t have to defend the past to prove you were there.
What’s one “classic” you’ve always hated but keep quiet about to avoid arguments?
